


Strong Enough

by endemictoearth



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4303755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rae and Finn have sleepless nights across town from each other. Post-Series 2 breakup. Inspired from an Anonymous Tumblr prompt: "Write a fic inspired by the lyrics of Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough” from anyone’s POV. A lot of people have been debating who’s ‘fault’ the breakup was (which is missing the point don’t even get me started) but this song could spin the situation either way. Either Rae had too much baggage or Finn wasn’t strong enough. Maybe both."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strong Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since I got this prompt, I’ve had this song stuck in my brain. So, I finally wrote this little thing, in the hope that I’ll get exorcise it. (Also, I decided not to address the Olivia situation in this fic.)

The heat of summer had carried on into autumn. Rae couldn’t get any relief from the heat during the day. She covered herself up, silently seething when Chloe floated by in a sleeveless mini-dress as the sweat dripped down her back.

She couldn’t sleep at the best of times. Now the heat kept her awake, her mind racing around a track of worry and despair, especially now that she’d broken it off with Finn. He surely must hate her. She’d never get another boyfriend. And if she did, he’d chuck her because she couldn’t do anything normal. She’d be alone forever. Which was what she deserved, surely? But it still felt bleak and interminable … the rest of her life with only herself around.

Music. Music would soothe her savage soul, patch her up, and distract her just enough to drift off for a few hours before the light woke her up and she started yet another day of her lonely life. 

She didn’t want to get up and choose a CD, so she just flicked on the radio alarm clock by her bed. It was tuned to Stamford Smile, and the overnight DJ fancied himself something of a counselor for the lovelorn. “I’m sure he’ll call you back, Siobhan. Just keep the faith, darlin’, yeah?” A big sniffle went down the phone line and across the airwaves followed by, “Thanks, Keith, I will.”

“Okay, love. Everyone else, I’ll be taking your calls and requests until the breakfast crew roll in, so give me a ring! Right now, it’s  _Strong Enough_  from Sheryl Crow.” Rae instinctively rolled her eyes, but didn’t reach to change the channel. 

She hadn’t heard this song since she’d ended it with Finn, so the lyrics slammed into her like a ten ton truck. 

If Finn wasn’t strong enough, would anyone ever be? Was she strong enough to let anyone in? The door to her heart and soul was barricaded by piles of cases filled with self-loathing and self-doubt that had accumulated over years and years. It was locked from the inside, and she’d have to be the one to clean up that mess before anyone got in. She really had begun to believe that no one would ever be enough, because she would always be too much, in every sense.

Those words, whether he slid his finger over her skin, or whispered them in her ear, she never believed him. She didn’t think he was lying, exactly, but she couldn’t believe it was the truth, and she kept shaking her head no, until maybe even Finn didn’t even believe them anymore.

* * * 

Several streets over, Finn lay on his back, on top of his duvet, in nothing but his boxers. His window was open, and he twisted up to gaze out the window. There wasn’t a breeze to lift his curtains, and the air felt close and claustrophobic around him. 

He couldn’t fall asleep without music, not since his mum had left. His dad used to sing him to sleep with some classic rock, but now he had his choice stereo setup. However, he couldn’t face playing albums he associated with Rae, so he just turned on the radio. They hadn’t listened to much in the charts, apart from Oasis, so he had been tuning into that crap local station for some forgettable pop music to take his mind off things.

Then, after some nattering by the DJ, he heard it, the pleading tones of  _Strong Enough_. It hurt to hear it … he imagined Rae singing it to him, and the thought brought tears to his eyes.

_Lie to me_  … she said she didn’t believe him. Had he lied? He remembered trying to be cute in the pub in saying, “I might have thought about you once. Okay, twice.” At the time, he thought he was clear, letting her know by joking that she was the only thing on his mind when they weren’t together, but maybe she didn’t get it. She must not have gotten it.

And then hearing her say that Liam “gets” her. What a knife twist to the back that was. It was like studying for a test for months, going to the library, doing extra revisions, and finding out he had failed. All that effort and hope and he still didn’t pass. And on top of that, hearing that some twat who hadn’t even opened the book gets a fucking A. 

Who was this Liam guy, anyway? Apparently he was in upper sixth, but Finn couldn’t remember ever seeing him around last year. And now he’s “going off” with Rae? Sneaking around, keeping secrets? Finn wanted to be the one to keep all her secrets. He’d made so much room for her and her stuff in his heart, and now it just felt empty. 

And then,  _Please don’t leave (le-hee-ee-eave)_. But she had left  _him_. So, maybe … wait. It was a three AM revelation. She’d left because she was afraid he would. She wasn’t relieved; she wasn’t happy; she was terrified. And because he’d been so hurt, he hadn’t seen it. Maybe he wasn’t strong enough. Maybe he wasn’t enough, full stop. 

* * *

Somewhere in between Rae and Finn blinking into their respective darknesses, in an empty house, in a messy room, Liam didn’t think anything, because he’d taken two pills and drunk half a fifth of whiskey to obliterate those thoughts that kept him awake. He was sleeping a dreamless sleep and thinking of no one but himself. 


End file.
